Our local libraries have started banning cell phone use inside the library. Now, hey, that makes sense. A library, despite how people actually act, should be a quiet place. It's really the only place left that at least has the expectation of quiet. I think it's a good thing, to take the cell phone to the lobby.
But people complain. They can't handle not being connected 24/7. I am old enough to remember not having access to a phone every moment of every day. But these people are addicted. Addiction is the only way to explain it. They go through withdrawals. They get crabby when told they can't use it anywhere they feel like. They get onery. They become... SMOKERS.
Okay, let's treat them like smokers. Don't just make them take the cell phones outside; Make them stand 25 feet away. Smokers have to pay extra for health insurance. Let's make cell phone users pay more for car insurance. When you see a complete stranger using a cell phone, feel free to walk up and lecture them, just like people do to smokers. Or, at least, make a disgusted face.
I have co-workers who carry cell phones at work and answer them without showing any guilt at all. I say, make them wait until a break. Smokers have to wait until a break. And, hey, don't you think of turning that phone on until you are completely out of the building. Smokers can't light up along the way, can they?
Let's pass laws prohibiting people from using cell phones in private businesses, even if those businesses actually don't mind cell phones. If you give these cell people an inch, they'll take a mile. Oooo, wait. Let's tax the hell out of them. Hah, that's it. Make them pay 50% tax on every call made. And then use the money to benefit non-cell phone users.
Hey, these things cause brain cancer, don't they. Where do I sign up to sue them for 2nd-hand microwaves? Wait, if I take up cell-phone addiction, even though I'm fully aware of the dangers, can I sue the phone companies when I get brain cancer? This is Amercia, surely there's someone I can sue.
Oh, and if these cell phone users have kids, let's make it illegal to use the cell phone in the house. Make them go out in the backyard, no matter the weather. Oh, and don't forget to charge them more if they rent a car or an apartment.
See, smokers take things in stride, so it's no fun to torment them anymore. (Must be that-there nicotine. Must relax them too much). Cell phone users start off angry even before you ever confront them. Cell phone use just makes them more irritable (well, hey, if you are going to be accessible by your inlaws, your friends and crazy uncle Jim-bob 24 hours a day, what do you expect). Since they are already upset, it'll be easier to torment them.
Much more entertaining then taunting smokers, frying ants or tormenting small animals.
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