Merry Christmas

Hi Everybody.

Merry Christmas!

As it turned out, we were intrepid enough to get to the mall.

Christmas is coming

What a time for snow to come. A week before Christmas. Normally, we would have driven away from the city, walked out among the trees and cut down our Christmas tree. But we were snow bound, with no way to get a tree.

But that couldn't stop intrepid people. Too bad we aren't intrepid people. Happily, it didn't stop us either. We put the sled into the truck and took off with the kids. Once we reached the unpassable hill, we unpacked the sled and hiked to the tree lot, pulling the kids behind us. We bought a tree (thankfully small) and tied it to the sled. Then pulled it through the snow back up the hill.

We made a lot of people's day. Strangers hurried over to comment how old fashioned that seemed. Like a real Christmas. See, we gave people things to talk about when they got home. "Hey honey, you should have seen what I saw."

As the days went on, and the snow became even deeper, we had other adventures ahead. We built snowmen, and a huge snowfort, from which to launch attacks. (Mostly from the kids against dad). I took the dog on a 3 mile walk (hey, I usually don't have the time to do that. I'm usually running, eating breakfast while I walk the dog, and then hurrying away). We even sat and watched a movie as a family. (The Wizard of Oz. The first time the kids or I had seen it, though my wife used to watch it when she was a kid).

We still haven't taken the kids to have thier pictures taken with Santa. This could be the first year without a Santa picture. (We even have one of our oldest at 2 months old, in Santa's arms). But, you know, it doesn't look too awful tonight. It's suppose to snow again tomorrow afternoon. Mayby, if we can beat the storm and find sanded streets, there may still be hope.

Guess we'll just have to be intrepid.

Secret of Happiness

Okay, I admit, this isn't THE Secret of Happiness (with all those capitals). But I think this is a secret to help happiness along. Ready?

Ready?

Okay.

Make everything you can into an adventure.

Let's use my last Tuesday as an example. Here was my day...

On Monday, it snowed heavily in my area. That night, the temperature dropped drastically, freezing all that snow into ice. By morning, there was a sheet of ice an inch thick. My car wouldn't even back out of the driveway (I have a sloping driveway). So, there was only one way to get to work...

• 5:00 am. Woke up. Dang it was cold.
• 6:30 am. Got dressed. Let me explain. To walk, in the snow, ice and below freezing temperatures, requires a lot of layers. Layers that can open while walking, and close up tight while waiting for late buses.
• 6:50 am. Left the house, on foot. See here is where I could have grumbled about having to travel 14`miles (both ways) in the freezing cold, up hill (both ways), or I could choose for it to be an adventure.
• 7:10 am. The bus I was suppose to take left the bus stop. I, however, was still walking, slowly. Apparently, a sheet of ice requires a different gait than a clear street.
• 7:20 am. I stood at the top of the hill, looking at the two bus stops within site, deciding which looked less treacherous. While there, the sun started to lift over the yonder hill. See, here was another place where I could decide to complain, or make this an adventure, and admire the view of a frozen city.
• 7:30 am. At the bottom of the hill (only slipped a few times), I stopped and sat at the bus stop, to wait for the next bus. There were two buses to take, and I had planned in two misses, so even if I missed each bus once, I would still be to work on time. Dang, it was cold. I considered heading back.
• 7:40 am, the bus arrives. I climb aboard. The point of no return.
• 7:50 am. The first truly odd person arrives on the bus. Very quickly, all of us normal people (yes, I do get to count myself on that side) are out numbered by some, um, eccentric people.
• 8:00 am. We pull into the depots at the airport. If I miss the transfer bus here, there's a half hour wait, in the cold, for the next one. But there's only a 2 minute window between when my bus is "scheduled" to arrive and the other is scheduled to leave. I leapt off the bus, rushed from Depot 1 to Depot 2 and make it. Swinging aboard.
• 8:02 am. The bus pulls out, on my way to work. I look at my fellow passengers. Hmmm, and I thought the last crowd was... notable.
• 8:40 am. The bus drops me off in front of my work. Arrived, with little trouble, early.

The way back should have been the same, only in reverse. Well, of course, nothing works as it should.

• 5:00 pm. Rush out of work, walking fast. (The sidewalk was much clearer down at work). Two blocks up, reach the light. Cross the highway. Rush two blocks back to reach the bus stop, to catch the bus at 5:06. Half way there, in all my cold-weather gear, I started wondering if running across the lanes of the highway like a maniac wouldn't have been better.
• 5:04 pm. Reach the bus stop. It's filled with grumpy men wondering out loud when the bus will ever come.
• 5:06 pm. The bus home arrives. I'm tired. Heavy sigh. Climb aboard the bus. Wait, okay, here is another part where I need to make it an adventure. I look at my seat-partner. Okay, adventure over. Grumble.
• 5:30 pm. I look up to see if my stop is coming. Don't want to forget to pull the cord to stop the bus. Unfortunately, it's a bit harder to see out of the bus in the dark. Panic. Did I miss it.
• 5:40 pm. Of course not. What would be the odds that there wouldn't be at least one person who had to stop at the airport. We pull in, I jump out and...
• 5:41 pm. Just in time to see the connecting bus pull away. Dang. Half hour wait. Yeah, yeah. I know. Make it an adventure. A cold, stinking adventure.
• 5:45 pm. Actually, it's kinda fun, watching the travelers rush for the airport, or seeing the incoming travelers from all over the world trying to figure out the local buses. Ha! Good luck with that.
• 5:55 pm. It's cold and dark. Exhaust fills there air. But you know what? This part feels like an adventure. Amidst the hussel and bussel of world travelers, watching them run along side my own adventurous travel.
• 6:00 pm. The weird guy standing near me starts muttering and dancing spasmodically. Okay, it's taking a little more effort to be an adventure.
• 6:10 pm. The bus arrives. Well, no, it didn't. Each person starts to check the schedule, nonchalantly of course. Wouldn't want the others to think we're inexperienced at taking the bus.
• 6:20 pm. Okay, now all of us are checking the schedule. Is this the adventure part?
• 6:21 pm. The bus arrives. Yeah, well, we knew it would. No problem.
• 6:40 pm. Hey, couldn't have a bus ride without a weird person. By this point, they are no longer odd, eccentric or unique. They're weird. Pure and simple. This one got on arguing with herself and ended up blowing up at the driver, for unknown reasons.
• 6:55 pm. The last weird individual leaves the bus.
• 7:00 pm. My bus stop arrives. Woosh. The adventure part was wearing thin.
• 7:01 pm. Now there's only the 40 minute walk, on the ice, in sub-freezing temps, uphill this time. Sigh.
• 7:05 pm. But first, stop at Safeway to pick up essentials. Okay, can't take too long, right? Right?
• 7:06 pm. Oh, right. I forgot. The news threatened snow. The crowds are there to strip the shelves. I battle the crowds. The unwashed masses. Some of them live up to that name.
• 7:26 pm. Great. Done. Get in line.
• 7:27 pm. The lines are longer than a line at the only ladies' room at a stadium.
• 7:46 pm. On my way home. Whoosh. What a line.
• 7:47 pm. Oh. Yeah. Forgot. 40 minute walk. Ice. Freezing. Uphill. Adventure.
• 7:57 pm. That hill just gets more steep with every step.
• 8:00 pm. Still walking, very slowly. Freezing winds. Dark. Can't see the smooth ice until I fall. Each time.
• 8:30 pm. Arrive home. Took a little longer to get back. It seems, when I'm tired, I tend to walk slower than when I first got up. And I walk slower up hill than I do down hill. Imagine that.
• 8:31 pm. Home. Adventure over. Woohoo.

Now I only need to cook dinner, feed the kids. Get them ready for bed and get them to sleep.

Only the TV warns of worse storms coming. We need food. The driveway has partially cleared from the rocksalt I spread that morning. We need food. I climb into my truck. Turn on the four-wheel drive. Back out onto the ice sheet. Slide slightly.

10:00 pm. Drive away, slowly. Back to the store. To drive on ice.

To adventure.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Okay, what else would you call a blog about the snow? Just be happy I didn't post me singing it. Don't worry, your sound card would have stopped working before you had to hear it. So, on to my thoughts, however brief, about snow as an adult...

The Adult in me says, "I have to drive. I hate snow." "It's cold and dangerous, I hate snow." "Best prepare for the worst, buy fuel for cooking (outside) and fill the truck with warm clothes and food. I hate snow."

The kid in me smiles and yells, "SNOW!!" "Woohoo!"

Okay, I just got back from walking the dog across the wild, windy tundra. Yak were migrating past the little church down the street. Neighbors were hunting caribou. I was toasty warm, in five layers of clothes and a ski-balaclava on my head. BUT, my eyes are frozen open. I've changed my mind. I'm adding "ski goggles" to my Christmas list.

Wait, I can almost blink.

The Costco Effect

What is this great scientific truth I've discovered? And why did I call it "The Costco Effect"? Answers to these questions and more, tonight. Stay tuned.

Most likely you've all noticed it. You walk into Costco. You see a microwave oven. It looks just like your old one at home. You buy it and take it home. Then comes the shock. The small microwave oven you bought has grown into a monster of a machine. It doesn't even fit on a regular size counter, much less where your old microwave sat. Miracle? Strange, growing phenomenon? Dr. Shrinker's device working in reverse?

No. You have experienced "the Costco Effect".

When in Costco, the items you pick up appear smaller than they really are. I've experienced it often. The microwave incident was mine. TVs have the same problem. Even frozen food, once you get them home, appear to have grown larger than any shelf in your freezer.

A few words of advice, before you go to Costco...

• Move away from the TV. A 60" TV will not fit at the foot of your bed, no matter how small it looks on the pallet.
• That pool table only looks like it will fit in the spare bedroom. Once you get it home, it won't even fit in your living room.
• That neat looking freestanding pool is not a wading pool. Once you get it home, this Olympic Pool won't even fit in your backyard.

Orion

Nothing is as incredible as looking up on a crystal clear night and seeing Orion. It's huge and majestic. It doesn't hang in the sky, it occupies the sky. It dominates.

Don't believe me? Look for yourself. On the next clear night (dress warm. It will be absolutely freezing), look toward the south. Find three stars in a row. This is Orion's belt. His hands are held over his head holding up his spear and shield. And, if it is really clear out, you can see his sword handing from his belt.

The bright star on the left side of the belt and down (it is to far away to be in the picture) is Sirius, his faithful dog that follows him across the sky. I can stand and just marvel, utterly content.

Okay, I'll talk about something more important next time. Or something funny. Or maybe just interesting. Mmm, don't count on it, though.

Kirk to Enterprise. Come in Enterprise.

Remember Star Trek, the original generation? Remember all the neat gadgets? So, let's take a look and see what Star Trek gadgets exist now...

1. Communicator. Hey, communicator, cell phone. Tomato, tomato.
2. Tricorder. Have you seen the mini-laptop at costco? It's the size of a portable DVD player.
3. Phaser. Stungun? Okay, that one's stretching it a bit far.
4. Instant food production. Microwave. I know, the Next Generation had a really cool food replicator. But the original heated up food in a fast cooker. Remember Kirk lamenting that they had to have spam in the shape of a turkey.
5. Flashdrives and floppy disks. What am I talking about? Don't you remember those little square things Spock plugged into the computers?
6. Flat screen monitors. Hey, our's are even better than Kirk's.

Those who know me, e-mail me anything I've forgotten.

What am I still looking forward to?

1. Transporter. I hate driving. Flying is worse. What a waste of time.
2. Replicator. Make anything I want. Huh, the IRS will still find a way to tax it.
3. No. Wait. Holo-suites. I want to fly in a spitfire over the english channel. I want to fight along side Robin Hood.

Hmmm, there's an idea for another blog. What movie would you want to play a part in, should it be replicated in on a holodeck?

Halloween

Okay, first a true ghost story...

Last night, after the kids were asleep, while I watched the new Indiana Jones movie, I heard one of the kids walk up the stairs to my bedroom. Since my wife and I were still awake, I wondered why they didn't just come into the living room. When I went to look, both of them were still asleep. Didn't find anyone.

Tonight, I wandered into the kitchen to get some dinner while my wife and kids are at the Halloween party at church and found the back door open. I probably just forgot to close it earlier. Right?

right?

Okay, on with todays blog. My theme is Halloween and the subject is "the scariest movies of all time." So, below is the 10 movies I found to be the scariest. Those who know me, send me an e-mail of your scariest movies. So, in no particular order...

1. Poltergeist. In particular, that awful (great) scene with the toy clown, that isn't behind the kid, and then is.
2. The Mist. The black and white format was very tense, and the ending horrified me. This one actually produced a sleepless night.
3. Mrs Doubtfire. Hey, is there anything scarier than Robin Williams in a dress? Okay, that one was just for fun.
4. The Blair Witch Project. The unknown, while alone in the dark woods. Need I say more?
5. Alien. Dark ship. Unknown killing creature. people keep wandering off alone. (What's that all about? Surely hundreds of years in the future, there have been enough horror movies so that people stop wandering around alone. In the dark. After others have dissappeared.
6. Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Okay, the 1978 version, not the campy 50s version. By the end all hope is lost and you have no idea who to trust. Kind of like high school.
7. Halloween. The scariest of all slasher movies. The only decent one ever made (Hey, I just call them like I see them).
8. Cape Fear. The 1962 edition, not the 1991 remake.
9. When a Stranger Calls. "He's in the house. The call is coming from inside of the house." Dang.
10. Bigfoot, the Mysterious Monster. Okay, this scene (follow the link) scared me to death when I was 9.
11. The Shining. Okay, I was only going to have 10, but this one needed an honorable mention.

Scary movies I haven't seen, but I'm thinking about watching...

1. Jaws. Yeah, yeah, I know. I've only had like 35 years to watch it. Hey, give me time.
2. Rec. Dang, this one looks creepy.

Happy Halloween everyone.

That big event has happened. Yes, it did. Wooooo!!! What event? Why, the first episode of the new Star Wars series, of course.

No, not really. The big event... Both kids are now in school. My little girl is in kindergarten. Two mornings a week, I'm at home, and it is quiet. Very quiet. Almost too quiet. I find myself doing homework, and suddenly jumping up. It's quiet. What is that kid getting into? What mess is being made? Who's hurt? But it's nothing, because I'm the only one home.

Autumn is my favorite time of the year. The blustery days, the chill in the morning, the warm, hearty stews and soups. The changes (leaves turn yellow, the days grow shorter, I start using words like "hearty"). This year, though, I miss my old routines. On the first blustery day each year, after dropping my son off at school, my daughter and I would go home, drink hot chocolate and watch Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day. This year, the first blustery day was marked by me studying for my Social Psychology test. A little less magic there.

Still, I find I get a lot more done, now that I have those two kidless mornings a week. My normal autumn chores have gone faster. Replacing or repairing the weather-stripping on the doors and windows, cleaning the gutters, replacing screens with storm windows and all the other mundane activities that make winter bearable.

I even took a short vacation and completed some projects. I tore down the 30+ year old cedar fence and built a new one (hopefully lasts just as long. What a lot of work), pulled up carpeting and started refinishing the wood floors underneath (hopefully, I'll finish some day). I even took my wife on a date, without kids and without finding a babysitter. Isn't school wonderful? We went to the observation level of the Columbia building, strolled downtown, ate at Ivar's on the waterfront and then took the water-taxi home. We wandered through antique malls, windowshopped and people-watched. What fun.

I still miss my hot chocolate and Winnie the Pooh.

School Days, School Days, blah, blah, blah

Well, another school year has begun. And we are off and running. Big changes this year...

• Both kids are now in school. Twice a week, I have two and a half hours in the morning by myself. I haven't been by myself for any length of time in almost nine years. My first day, after dropping the kids off, was eerie. Quiet. Too quiet.
• My school also started. I hope (or at least hoped) I would have an easier time with some quiet time. But the two hours just fly by, and my homework crawls along. It doesn't help that I entered 300 level classes for the first time in 17 years. I don't remember it being this hard last time. Coffee is my new best friend.
• Speaking of my school, I have a complaint already. We were suppose to read chapters 2, 3 and 4 during weeks 1-4. However, the test for weeks 1-4 is in week 3. How am I suppose to take a test in week 3 when I didn't plan to finish my studying for another week.
• Back to the kids. School is going great for them. The kindergardener went in excited and quickly forgot mom and dad, who were teary eyed. Everyone is settling in fine. - except for homework.

Junk, junk, junk

Someone said something yesterday that made me think. (Yeah, yeah, I know. "Wow, something made you think?" Okay, shut up). We were talking about how many toys kids have nowadays. It's an old discussion, that's been used generation after generation.

"Back in my day, we didn't have (whatever new technology). We made due with dirt."

And, of course, while I looked at the toy boxes in my kids' room, I thought to myself, as my parents did when I was young, "Wow, I never had this many toys." But...

Here's the thing. We always look at kids and go, "In my day." But let's look at current adult technology.

I live in an older house. The main floor is only 900 square feet. I've heard many people, while looking for a house, say "there is no way we could fit into a 2000 square foot house". Now the average house has become 3000 square feet. So why have our houses tripled in size? Do we have more kids? No, less actually, on average. So what is it?

More stuff. And not just more toys. Let's start a list...

Television. In the 1920's, there was one radio, it was big and it sat in the living room. In the 1950's, there was one TV, it was big and it sat in the living room. During the 1970's and 1980's, our culture began to add TVs. Usually there was one big one in the living room, while two small ones were added, normally to a master bedroom and to a family room. Then came today. The TV in the living room is often no longer big. It is enormous. And the multiple (and I do mean multiple) TVs are no smaller than 13 inches each. Some people even a have a room devoted to one giant TV.

Kitchen. Okay, I'm about to move into a sacred area, gadget speaking. Our grandparents could say, "In my day, I had to stir my own ingredients." Today, we have a blender, and a mixer, and maybe even a handheld mixer. We have to have machines stir our food. No wonder Americans are getting fat. We have a "coffee maker", a machine devoted to one job, making coffee. We can't be bothered with putting a perculator onto a stove and turning the stove on. We have one machine that sits there, taking up more space then a perculator, and makes coffee. Nothing else.

In the old days, there were ice boxes, they were small and kept cold by putting a large block of ice in it. In the 50s, we added an electric version, twice as big. Now, we have a giant fridge plus a large freezer in the basement. Our families are half the size they used to be, but we can store four times as much food. Looks like blenders aren't the only reason Americans are heavier.

We've added all kinds of new devices. Microwaves. Breadmachines. Espresso makers (to sit next to the coffee maker). Smoothie makers (a specialized blender to sit next to the blender). Food processor (another specialized blender to sit next to the smoothie maker and the blender). Electric carving knives (to take the back-break out of carving). Dishwashers (heaven forbid we should put hot water in a sink and wash a dish by hand).

And I haven't even begun to list the entertainment machines used by everyone, not just kids.

Next time you complain that kids today have too many toys, remember your blender and your microwave and your giant fridge. Remember you have a dryer, and don't need to hang clothes outside (which is good. As housed got bigger, yards got smaller so there isn't any space to hang clothes anyway). Remember your dishwasher, microwave and giant TV. Thank the heavens you don't have to stir your own cake mix or knead your own bread. (I know I do).

And be thankful, we don't have to know how to churn butter or smelt our own bronze. I like my new toys.

Camping

It's camping season again. Did you hear the sigh? No, not really. I actually like camping. I just have two complaints, about our camping trips.

One: Look at the picture. Do you see sunny, cheery weather? Do you see swimsuit weather? No? No. You see stormy, lighthouse-ghost weather, expecting the gnarled old captain talking about a Nor-Wester.

In 2004, we stayed at Ocean Shores for three days. The first two days were stormy and miserable. Then, while we were packing up, the sun came out in great glory. The campsite was transformed into a wonderland... as we drove away.

In 2005, we stayed at Ocean Shores for three days. The first two days were cloudy and cold. Then, while we were packing up, the sun came out in great glory. The campsite was transformed into a wonderland... as we drove away. I shook my head.

In 2006, we stayed at Ocean Shores for three days. The first two days were rainy and cold. We spent some of our vacation at the laundromat, washing and drying wet, muddy kids' clothes. Then, while we were packing up, what do you think happened? Yes. The sun came out in great glory and the campsite was transformed and I was flabbergasted.

In 2007, we decided not to camp. All three days were the hottest days in years. The sun was magnificent across the state, even Ocean Shores.

In 2008, we are going to camp at Ocean Shores. Any bets on what the weather will be like?

Okay, and my second complaint about our camping... In the old days, when I would camp with friends or groups, we always went backpack camping. Now, we camp with a car. What's the difference? Okay, here we go...

Backpack camping: Everything you take, you have to carry. Packing the car means putting the backpack in the trunk. You are limited to one backpack per person. It has to be compact.

Car camping: We pack everything, including the kitchen sink. We don't set up camp, we construct camp. It isn't assembled. It is developed. The tent has two rooms. The kitchen area includes a two-burner stove, a plastic folding sink (a double-sink at that) and two boxes of food. There are four fold chairs, folding tables and enough lanterns to signal UFOs.

The entire day before we leave, we load up the car. Notice, we don't pack the car. We LOAD the car. A container is attached to the roof and filled up. Boxes and bags are filled and piled in back. A bicycle rack is strapped to the back of the car. An entire day of packing is followed by a day of driving. Then unloading and assembling this home-away-from-home. Exhausted, we sleep. We enjoy one relaxing day of camping (I actually like this part). Then, the third day, we disassemble this monolith to modern life, shove it all back into the trunk and strap it around the outside. Then we drive back and spend the night unloading and storing away the equipment for the next year.

It makes me long for the days of limited camping. When packing meant decisions concerning ounces. And loading the car took two minutes. Hmmm. Then again. Dinner had to be innovative, since you couldn't carry much. Breakfast was light and cold, so as not to waste fuel or waste time with a morning fire. Now, breakfast includes scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes and coffee. Dinner is substantial, in the comfort of an easy chair.

Okay, I guess car camping isn't all that bad.

Can't wait for the kids to be big enough to load the car for me, though.

What's that sound? The ocean? No. It's parents of teenagers, laughing at my last statement.

Just a bunch of talk

What insightful thing should I talk about today? What wondrous thought, or inspired idea can I bestow on you all?

Heck if I know. All I can think about is the dinner I had.

A Hamburger. Notice, if you will, that hamburger has a capital H. It wasn't a hamburger, it was a Hamburger. The store was out of the extra lean meat we normally get, so we had a less healthy, greasy burger. Mmmmm.

So, since the hamburger (sorry, Hamburger) was greasier than normal, I was able to fry a mess of onions in the grease. What's that? You think I should say I Sauteed the onions? No, for a good, heavy burger, you don't saute, you fry. In this case, they were fried with garlic. Ooooo boy.

Let's see, where was I? Oh yeah, a Juicy Burger, smothered onions fried in garlic, with melted Tillamook chedder cheese. I added a tomato and lettuce, spread on some miracle whip and topped it off with barbeque sauce.

My stomach is very happy with me.

My heart and arteries are cussing me out, but that's okay. My heart should just be happy I didn't include the fried egg I contemplated. Boy, let's talk about cholesterol.

I Blame Mikee

Hit play and see what I mean.

Update on Bicycles

OW!!

Okay, nuff said.

I'm still trying. I'm not getting better any time fast, but I am getting really good at falling.

But I'm not giving up. (Though I will take a week's break until I'm walking somewhat normal).

Seemed like a good idea at the time

My wife and I bought bicycles. I've never owned a bicycle before. The one person who tried to teach me was so worried about me scratching his bike, that I had to stop. So I never learned.

Then, last month, my kids went on a bike hike and I couldn't go along. So I thought to myself it would be a great idea to buy a bike and learn to ride. My five-year-old even volunteered to teach me. How cool is that?!

So, we found a $90.00 bike on sale for $60.00. I know, I know. If I really want to take to this, I should buy a good bike for $200.00. But the problem is, my choice wasn't "should I buy a $60 bike or should I buy a $200 bike?" The real choice was "should I buy a $60 bike or not buy anything?"

Now, I've only owned it a few hours, so I haven't really tried anything yet, but, being excited, I figured I could just hop on and try a quick trip. I even bought a helmet. So...

What I have learned so far...

• It is better to start your first bicycle ride on a paved road, not a bumpy backyard.
• It is really, really hard to build momentum on grass.
• It is really, really easy to fall off a bicycle, and travel a good distance.
• After I fall and hit the ground, I bounce back up and hit the ground a second time. That one actually surprised me.
• Helmet? Helmet, hell, I want body armour.

I need some kind of padding. You know what would really be useful? I wonder if my old football uniform would still fit?

Too bad I never played football.

Did I really only fall one time? Well, okay, if I bounce and hit the ground again, does it count as two? I am really going to ache tomorrow. My back hurts, my neck hurts, my legs hurt. My arms and shoulders are stiff and sore.

I can't wait to try again tomorrow!!

Father's Day

Father's Day, this year, lasted three days. I had a three-day weekend, and we weren't going to be at home on Sunday, so we celebrated Father's Day on Friday. My daughter bought me a hammock, my son bought me an Indiana Jones Lego Set. How cool is that? Score!

The new hammock was longer than my old one, so I needed a new place to tie it. I found an old post behind a flower-bush (my wife, I sure, could tell you what kind of plant it was). There was a metal arm attached to it, so I tied the hammock to it. Turns out the post and arm were put in when the garden was put it, about 20 years ago, to hold a bird feeder. Apparently, I weigh more than a bird feeder. I laid on the hammock, and slammed to the ground.

Right on top of the well-built old birdhouse hiding in the underbrush. The birdhouse didn't break. My back, however... So I had to crawl back to the post and find a better place to hang it. Hey, we're talking hammock-time here. A little pain isn't going to stop me. The post turned out to be strong enough, it was just the 20 year old rusty screw that couldn't hold me, so I tied back to the post. It held fine. Well enough for me to take a nap in the hammock.

Until my wife sent the dog to wake me up.

The next day, we went to cross-over camp. This is for the cub scouts, where the tigers become wolves, the wolves become bears and the bears become weblos. It's the yearly overnight camping (in a cabin) for the cubs. The first step into the cabin brings back childhood memories. Yep, the bunks still smell the same.

The kids had a great day. They built a rope-bridge and went on a nature hike. They played soccer and baseball. They ate chicken and hamburgers and hot dogs, along with pumpkin pudding cooked in a dutch-oven surrounded by briquettes. They received their awards and went through the ceremony of crossing a footbridge and receiving the next level neckerchief. They roasted marshmallows and told ghost stories.

We settled into bed, or at least, a bunk, that night exhausted. Well, the dads were exhausted. The kids could have kept going for hours (or days). Around midnight, the kids finally dropped off and I thought I would sleep. Well, we didn't realize the scoutmaster would be in our cabin. He had stayed up late to take care of the fire. So, at a few minutes after midnight, he opened the door to the cabin.

The door opening startled one kid, who jumped up and slammed his head into the bunk above. My son, startled awake, slide out of bed and hit the floor. The scoutmaster had brought a lantern (battery powered, of course) which lite the cabin like daytime. Climbing up to a top bunk, he hit his head on the low ceiling and knocked part of the smoke detector on the floor.

The kids were wide awake.

By one, everyone was finally asleep. I woke the next morning, my back aching from the birdhouse, from the bunk and from all the work the day before, groggy from no sleep. I woke at 5:30 in the morning, because the sun came up and the kids woke up to the bright light. Then the kids hurried up to the cooking area. The dedicated scoutmaster had woken at 5 to start the morning fire and get the breakfast gear started. Supervised by the scoutmaster and a few parents, the kids cooked blueberry pancakes over a propane griddle so the dads could have a Father's Day breakfast.

My son made me a blueberry pancake the size of my plate, a croissant, grapes, strawberries, sausages and hash. He even told me I was the greatest. (Okay, there's a Ward Cleaver moment). The weekend was filled with bugbites, wet shoes (my kids both ended up in the scum-filled pond at one point), the work of carrying in and out the camping gear, lost of aches and pains. In the end, it was a great weekend. And I slept really well Sunday night.

Cell Phones - or "Hey, Take it outside"

Our local libraries have started banning cell phone use inside the library. Now, hey, that makes sense. A library, despite how people actually act, should be a quiet place. It's really the only place left that at least has the expectation of quiet. I think it's a good thing, to take the cell phone to the lobby.

But people complain. They can't handle not being connected 24/7. I am old enough to remember not having access to a phone every moment of every day. But these people are addicted. Addiction is the only way to explain it. They go through withdrawals. They get crabby when told they can't use it anywhere they feel like. They get onery. They become... SMOKERS.

Okay, let's treat them like smokers. Don't just make them take the cell phones outside; Make them stand 25 feet away. Smokers have to pay extra for health insurance. Let's make cell phone users pay more for car insurance. When you see a complete stranger using a cell phone, feel free to walk up and lecture them, just like people do to smokers. Or, at least, make a disgusted face.

I have co-workers who carry cell phones at work and answer them without showing any guilt at all. I say, make them wait until a break. Smokers have to wait until a break. And, hey, don't you think of turning that phone on until you are completely out of the building. Smokers can't light up along the way, can they?

Let's pass laws prohibiting people from using cell phones in private businesses, even if those businesses actually don't mind cell phones. If you give these cell people an inch, they'll take a mile. Oooo, wait. Let's tax the hell out of them. Hah, that's it. Make them pay 50% tax on every call made. And then use the money to benefit non-cell phone users.

Hey, these things cause brain cancer, don't they. Where do I sign up to sue them for 2nd-hand microwaves? Wait, if I take up cell-phone addiction, even though I'm fully aware of the dangers, can I sue the phone companies when I get brain cancer? This is Amercia, surely there's someone I can sue.

Oh, and if these cell phone users have kids, let's make it illegal to use the cell phone in the house. Make them go out in the backyard, no matter the weather. Oh, and don't forget to charge them more if they rent a car or an apartment.

See, smokers take things in stride, so it's no fun to torment them anymore. (Must be that-there nicotine. Must relax them too much). Cell phone users start off angry even before you ever confront them. Cell phone use just makes them more irritable (well, hey, if you are going to be accessible by your inlaws, your friends and crazy uncle Jim-bob 24 hours a day, what do you expect). Since they are already upset, it'll be easier to torment them.

Much more entertaining then taunting smokers, frying ants or tormenting small animals.

Some Lawn Questions

I fixed the mower this week, so that meant I had to mow the lawn. And it made me ponder a few things…

1. When I was a kid, we had a push mower. No power, no motor. You just pushed the mower, and that made the blades spin and that cut the grass. But now I have an electric mower and that brings me to my question. Do I have an electric mower because I’m out of shape, or am I out of shape because I have an electric mower?
2. What exactly is a weed? I always assumed it was a plant you didn’t want. But I have a new definition, and I’m going to use my lawn as an example. Grass takes work to keep it in shape. You need to feed it, water it, weed it. You need to mow it. Grass is high maintenance. Clover on the other hand, thrives without any help, won’t grow to your armpits if left unmowed, is softer to walk on than grass, and does not require any expensive feeds. So, the new definition of weeds are… Anything that takes care of itself and doesn’t cost money. If it’s free and easy, it must not be worth it.
3. Dandelions are easy to grow, and edible. Roses require constant care and won’t feed you. See definition above.
4. A lawn is an example of cross purposes. We feed it to make it grow, then, when it grows, we hurry to cut it down. Where’s the sense in that?
   
   So, left to me, the American suburbs would be buried in clover, dandelions and moss, and the American families would have more time for leisure (and writing blogs). So, my lawn doesn’t say that I’m lazy. My lawn says that I’m a forward-thinking trend-setter.

Active Weekend

When I was younger, without kids and dogs, my weekends were quieter. I could sleep late, watch any show I wanted, play computer games until all hours. I was free.
Now, I have to be up early, so the dog can go for her walk. I watch cartoons and kid-appropriate movies. (Can’t be scary. That just keeps kids awake). No more self-indulgent hours of computer games. I play board games with the kids and take a fair share of computer time.
I use to sit on the deck and listen to birds. Now I sit in the sun and fill up inflatable pools. I use to relax and read. Now I go on bike hikes with the scouts. I used to listen to rock music. Now I can sing all the lyrics to “Scooby Doo” and “My Gym Partner is a Monkey”. I used to be able to drive more than 30 minutes on a trip without stopping for a potty break.
I was free. Now I’m a captive slave. But a happy slave. My daughter’s playing in the pool. My son’s throwing a Frisbee, scoring point when he hits a target. My dog is laying by my feet and my wife is reading in the shade. I used to sit and watch the grass grow and that’s what I’m doing right now.
But it reminds me I have to mow it.

A good day

The day started with breakfast. I like to think I have a healthy breakfast. It's low in fat, but high in protein (lean sausage), it's high in vitamins and minarels (Cream of Wheat), high in fiber (whole wheat toast), high in Vitamin C (juice) and high in anti-oxidents (coffee). But I hear now that it isn't a healthy breakfast. It's too high in carbs (which used to be my friend, when I was more active). Fortunatly, I don't follow the current thoughts on food.

In the 70s or 80s, a book came out, "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche". But there was a reactionary book which came out later that I liked better. "A Real Man Eats Anything He Damn Well Feels Like." I like that definition better, so I'll keep eating my high fiber, high carb breakfast. Even if it continues to expand my belly (Sorry, my "Norse Gut").

But food wasn't the topic for today. It was my trip to the Woodland Park Zoo. I've been to a lot of zoos, but Woodland Park is really a World-Class zoo. To mangle a phrase, "this isn't your father's zoo". Zoos in the past weren't always a pleasant place for the animals. But this zoo has made great strides toward putting the animal before the public. The exibits are well thought out, as natural as possible, with areas that the animals can go where people can't see them. (Older zoos never offered that, since seeing the animals is what people pay for, but this setup is much more interesting. You have to relax, and wait, hoping to catch a glimpse).

The scenery is also fun for the visitors as well. Each area is set up with meandering paths, instead of straight streets, offering a feeling of being near the area the animals are from. It gives you a more interesting visit, and more relaxing. Especially if you can get there early, before any schools arrive, in the winter, when it isn't filled with tourists. The air is crisp and the only sounds are the animals. And, let me tell you, Siamongs are really loud, elephant trumpets are really cool and distant roaring lions are really eerie.

The exibits aren't perfect, but they are a step in the right direction. Education and conservation are high priorities for WPZ as well. I should add a quick disclaimer. The pictures I used are all from my cameras. The date stamps on the one's with date stamps aren't correct (it took me a while to figure out how to turn it off, much less set it correctly). None of these pictures can be used for commercial reasons, since Woodland Park Zoo doesn't allow private pictures of their animals to be used commercially.

Things I've Learned Recently

Below is a list of things I have learned recently...

1. If you are about to have an important party, it really annoys your wife if you burn out the blender motor and stink up the house.
2. Cat pee can ruin your printer.
3. If Spiderman suddenly shows up at a kid's party, the kids can become deafening. (And my five-year-old daughter will hide).
4. If you study history, you realize your life could be a lot worse. (You really don't want to be a slave in ancient Rome or Greece).
5. Dog's like to walk, no matter the temperature outside.
6. If your dog eats bird seed, cleaning up dog poop becomes a disgusting chore. Um, okay, more disgusting.
7. Laundry doesn't fold itself, even if you wait a long time. (But I'm willing to give it another chance).
8. Just because you are fixing something, doesn't mean your kids aren't breaking something else. Right now.

Just a few insights. Take them as truth.

Winter has arrived

It’s winter. All the signs of winter in the Pacific Northwest are in the air. Sure, I know, there are nature signs all over the place. The trees are bare, the fog rolls in, the temperature drops and all that. But the real signs of winter in the Northwest, are a bit more apparent…

1. People’s eyes roll back and their fingertips tremble at the S word (“snow” but don’t say it too loud. You’ll cause a panic).
2. I slip and fall on the ice in my frozen yard, on my way to the car.
3. The windows need scraping on that car, once I get back up.
4. The dog doesn’t want to go outside in the cold to go potty.
5. The dog DOES want to go outside in the cold for a walk. (Apparently, it’s okay to freeze her toes off as long as mine are frozen off as well).
6. My wife has cabin fever and is ready to go. ANYWHERE away from home.
7. I willingly wear a stocking cap.
8. My kids lose their __(fill in the blank)_ at various schools, churches, houses and stores. The blank may contain any or all of the following words: Coat. Hat. Glove. Both gloves. Boots. Sweater. Scarf. Head (no, wait, that’s attached).
9. My cat prefers to stay in the warm bed rather than get up and eat in the morning. (You can tell. She isn’t up batting at my face).
10. The “pass” becomes “unpassable”.
11. The temperature reaching 32 degrees indicates it has gotten warmer.
12. And, the number one sign that it is winter. I can actually hear money burning in my oil furnace.